Life Lessons in Learning to Ride a Bike...

This week Naomi (8 years old) finally got over her fear of bikes, and within 30 minutes of having her training wheels off she was cruising around.  Her confidence, excitement and joy were so sweet and fun to watch.  What she had feared became a passion for her.  She wanted to be out riding all day...non-stop!  We had promised her that when she learned to ride without training wheels she would get a new to her bike, so the next day we went to pick up a new bike "Tess".

I took the kids to an empty parking lot area where they could ride freely.  That was when Naomi figured out how to turn her bike without stopping.  Her belief was through the roof!  

When her dad came home that night she HAD to show him her new turning skill.  But within 10 minutes on her bike she had her first hard crash, and landed right on her nose.  Blood everywhere. We got her cleaned up, and after a few hours asked if she wanted to go try riding her bike again.  She didn't want to.  We insisted...knowing the longer she waited the more fear would build.  She kept her feet on the ground and would barely put them on the pedals.  Instead of confidence and excitement she was fearful and cautious.  We continued to encourage her to get back on...reminding her that she had the ability to succeed.  But her fear of falling again was keeping her from riding free on her bike. She has since gotten back on and put her feet on the pedals, but her fear of falling still holds her back slightly.  It will come with time...she will find her joy in riding again.  But she has to keep getting back on the bike.

In watching my daughter these past few days it has made me think of myself and life.  I have had a lot of different "bikes" and opportunities to learn and ride as an adult.  Maybe you have to?  Why is it that as adults we are so less willing to get back on a "bike" after falling/failing?  Why do we encourage our kids to not quit and keep learning after each fall, missed hit, failed test, seeming failure?  Because we know that they are capable, and those falls are part of learning.  

But as adults why do we see that one "crash" in life as the sign that we were not meant to ride on that particular "bike"?  If we could learn from our crashes, and believe in our potential to be confident and successful on any "bike" we ride (the same way we do with our kids) I believe we would taste and experience successes in areas we once thought we were incapable of mastering.

What "bike" have you fallen off of in the past?  A "bike" that you once were excited and passionate about riding.  A "bike" that brought you joy and belief, but after a couple falls you decided it wasn't the "bike" for you and locked it up in the shed.  Maybe it is time to dust that old "bike" off...climb back on...fall a few more times...but finally taste the success of riding that "bike".  We are capable of riding any bike we are given if we just determine and resolve not to let the falls define our ability to succeed.

Costco Moments

Today I had a doctor's appointment, and afterward my husband and I stopped by Costco to grab a couple small items and to get our tires rotated.  Funny thing is moments like this are like dates for us because we so rarely get time away (alone)! LOL  We are so easy to please, and such cheap dates!  So anyways, we were sitting in the food court waiting for our tires to get done, and we ran into a friend...no surprise there!  Costco is always a happening place where reconnections happen!  As we were visiting with this friend she was sharing how her adult son is doing, and how her and her husband are handling all that they have on their plate.  As she was ending she shared something her husband told her in encouragement for the road they are walking with their son.  He had told her that "they need to do and give their very best for their son, but divorce themselves from the outcome because they can't control that.  That they need to just trust that God has the outcome in His hands".

This struck a deep cord in my heart.  God has been speaking to me all day since through that word she shared from her husband. You see, there are several things in life right now that I have been feeling God asking me to do my best with what I can, and just trust Him with the outcomes.  But am I really ready to "divorce" myself from them...knowing the outcomes aren't a reflection of me?  Can I trust that whatever the outcomes are that God has my best interest in mind, even if the outcome isn't what I wanted, hoped for, and prayed for?  My heart wants to scream "Yes!  I trust You Jesus!" But at the same time my mind begins to wander to the "what ifs" of life, and the side of the coin that I don't want circumstances in life to land on.  What if I have to walk those harder roads?

TRUST was the word I was given early in this year.  A word I felt like I was supposed to cling to through this year.  I remember when I first got that word I shared it on Facebook, and also shared how I was nervous getting that word because what was to come? What would God stretch me in...trust isn't always an easy thing to learn.  It is a good attribute, but it usually comes through trials.  So each time I hear God whisper to my heart to "Trust Him", I find myself thinking..."Okay God...I trust You. But please help me if things don't turn out like I want them to.  The other side of that coin scares me."  My head and heart struggle to align.

Tonight as I was driving home from a women's study a song came on the road.  Sometimes as I am driving the music playing is just in the background and I don't really hear the words, but the chorus of a song struck me.  I turned the radio up to really hear what the words were, and what I heard was...

                                 "So let it go my soul and trust in Him. The wind and waves still know His name"

In this moment I again heard God speak softly to my heart to just "Trust Him".  To let go of the outcomes - to divorce myself from them - and KNOW he loves me so much, and has me in His hand and will take care of the outcome and results.

Jesus I TRUST You!

Life's questions marks are God's periods

Life is so full of questions marks.  I see them in lives of those around me, and I see them in my own.  At times they seem manageable, and other times it can feel like they are drowning me. Sometimes things just don't make sense, and they are just plain hard.

• Why did I lose my job?  When will the right job come?  How long do I have to wait?
• Why did my child choose that path?  Didn't I do a better job teaching them what is right?
• Why is my marriage struggling so much?  Why did he/she cheat on me?  Why did he/she leave me?
• Why is my child so sick?  God when are you going to bring answers and healing?
• When is this season going to end?  How much longer can I continue on like this?

In the past month I have been wrestling with my own set of question marks....at times handling them well and other times letting them consume my thoughts and emotions.  About a week or so ago while I was out driving and praying I just felt God speak to my heart telling me that all these things I am questioning have no question marks from his perspective.  I felt encouraged to rest in Truth rather than fear.  To let go and trust Him.  To remember that He is in control, and know that His sentences always end with a period.  For this "checklist mom" resting and surrendering are not always easy.  But what a peace knowing that I don't have to know it all, but He does!  He knows how each part of my story will end!  And He knows the ending of yours too!  <3

Beyond the fringe...

I was listening to a Francis Chan devotional today which was based off of his "Crazy Love" book (which I have yet to read...but I am adding it to my "Need to Read" list!).  It was a short 8 minute video, but he shared something that really struck me and got me thinking.  

He shared about a time when he went to visit a college to speak.  There was a young lady on the worship team that stood out to him because every week he visited she became more passionate in her worship. This really intrigued him, because it wasn't what he would normally witness watching people worship.  Finally one week he went up to her and asked her about it and she shared that she never asks God to give her an experience like one she has already had.  Her prayer before she goes up to worship each week is always, "God you are the Creator of all things.  Will you create something new in my time with you during worship?  I want to experience you in a new and fresh way."  

Chan said he had never thought to ask the Creator to create new experiences of Himself in his times of worship, prayer, quiet times, etc.  To be honest I really haven't either.  I think I get so comfortable in my routine that I run this risk of just making an activity like prayer something I check off, rather than coming into that time expecting to learn something new or have a deeper grasp of Him.

Hearing this made me think of the verse in Job 26:14 that reads, "And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him!  Who then can understand the thunder of his power?"  There is so much depth to God...and I can only see the outer fringe of all that He is!  When I read this verse it makes me picture a big, colorful, detailed quilt.  I imagine it laid out, but I am small in comparison to it and only able to stand on the edge of it. And standing there on the edge all I can see is the details of the edge right in front of me.  I can't see it in its entirety and miss out on viewing all the details, designs, and colors that are seen on the inside, or seen if you look at it from above.  There is so much depth to God that really no day should ever be boring with Him!

I am challenged to start coming before God at the beginning of each day and asking Him to show me a new "thread of his quilt".  To give me a new and deeper perspective and glimpse of who He is.  Isn't that what relationship is all about...growing in knowledge and intimacy with the person who we are in relationship with? 

Narrow Path

So this blogging thing is hard stuff...especially when you are trying to be vulnerable, but don't see your thoughts clear enough to put them into words.  With the three total posts I have shared so far I have fought pushing the "Publish" button, because it feels so vulnerable.  It feels like I am opening up my private prayer journal to others inviting them to read.  I am not one who likes attention... especially attention drawn to the intimate places of my heart.  But I trust that through little steps of vulnerability, on my part, it will prayerfully help others to see things clearly in their own hearts.

So back to the struggle with a new blog post.  Just curious, do you ever find yourself going through your day experiencing life, and thinking about how you will share that experience in a new post on Facebook?  Taking a long shot here, but I am pretty sure I am not alone in that one! :)  Lately though, I have found my thoughts shifting from Facebook posts to blog posts.  What is it that I can share from my life that has value...that will speak hope or encouragement to those who read it?  My thoughts and ideas have felt like a blank chalkboard...nothing there for others to look upon.

The last week and a half have been so good in so many ways, but I still find myself struggling to put pieces together in my mind concerning what is stirring in my heart.  Good things are brewing in there...God is clearly at work, but clarity and words to explain it are lacking.  Even in my prayer journal I just find myself in a place of praise and thankfulness, but asking the same questions of God.  Asking for clarity, wisdom, direction...  

In many ways I feel like I am standing at the edge of a wooded path.  The path is small with lots of foliage blocking it.  I can't see the path very well, and it is dark.  But I keep being called back to it even though when I look off to the right I can see a clear path that is wide and fully lit up.  It looks lush and so inviting.  It is the path that makes sense at first glance.  I can see quite a ways down it, but yet...yet I keep feeling a tug toward this other path.  I can't explain it.  I don't know what awaits me down it, but I know I trust the One who is calling me to it.  And if He is calling me then there are blessings ahead that far outweigh what I see off to the right.  This image reminds me of this verse in Matthew 7:14, "Small is the gate & narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

This dark and narrow path is the path of faith -- the path of life.  It is the way that requires sacrifice, and it requires trust.  It won't be glamorous, but it will be rewarding.  It is rougher than the other path, but full of beauty and uniqueness.  At the end, the path widens into the most beautiful pasture you can imagine...bright...lush...full of beauty.  The path to the right...it is straight and the scenery stays the same.  After a while it becomes boring.  There is no adventure.  No faith is involved.  And it ends in a dry desert...nothing life giving is there to satisfy the travelers soul.  

In thinking forward to Easter, and what happened in the days leading up to Jesus' death and resurrection, I see that Jesus was also presented two separate paths, but He always chose the narrow one that went against man's logic.  When His disciples sat at the table during the Last Supper they argued over who was the greatest, and The Greatest at the table humbled Himself and washed their feet.  The job that was left for the lowest of servants is the example we are given for greatness.  His love defied man's logic...He loved and served Judas while knowing He was going to be betrayed by him.  When Jesus was about to be seized, Simon Peter struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.  In a moment when Jesus could have seen that his faithful disciple was trying to protect Him and trying to bring justice, He reminded them all He wasn't here to lead a rebellion.  He led in love and compassion...to the least likely.  At that moment, He reached out and healed the ear of the servant.  Compassion and love extended to the one that was ready to take Him to the cross.  Jesus didn't walk the wide open road that made sense to those around Him.  He walked the path that required the ultimate sacrifice, but He willingly walked it.  In the end...the beauty of that path He walked shines the brightest light possible into a hurting and dark world.  Today I am thankful for Jesus' example, and for His incredible sacrifice!

I want to end by sharing this beautiful song.  It feels like it could be the song of my heart right now...Lead Me On Jesus!

"Steady Heart" by Steffany Gretzinger

Bumpy, Messy, Broken...yet sooo Beautiful!

My heart and mind have been fumbling through some things the last few weeks.  I have been desiring clarity in understanding what faith looks like (really looks like) and how it looks to live it out amidst the messiness of life...I start feeling like I am getting it...then it gets re-jumbled with questions, and honestly just life in general.  

If you know me you know I am a "Type A" personality.  I like order.  I like checklists, and really like checking stuff off of it.  I like a clean house.  I like to do things well.  I like black and white...grey leaves too many questions.  I like a checkbook that balances to the penny, and a cushion of savings to lean into.  I don't like chaos.  I don't like feeling out of control. I don't like it when people misunderstand me and I can't make it right.  I just want order and happiness all around me...wouldn't that just be great?!  It would be ideal...but yeah, life IS NOT ideal, and we are all aware of that.

Yet...we want to be perceived by others like we have things in perfect order and have the ideal life...many of us post all that "goodness" on Facebook and then turn back to the reality of our lives and feel empty, tired, and wish for more out of life.  Something within us longs for more...longs for purpose and peace in this journey.  Can you relate?

Lately I have been sensing pain, hurt, tears, questions, and silent "Whys?" in those around me...and even at times sensing them in my own heart.  But we have been conditioned (wrongly I might add) that we need to be strong, positive, and honestly...fake.  It breaks my heart to see so many around me silently hurting and feeling like nobody understands...feeling like they need their mask on that shows the world their smile when in reality they are hurting inside.  You know what makes me even sadder is that this happens in the walls of my church, and churches all over the world.  The place where

people who are hurting should come to feel safe and find hope and healing from the messiness of life...instead many come into church feeling like they have to be good Christians and have life fit perfectly together, but really...nobody has it ALL together.  Those who need healing come in and feel alone, and don't feel like they can connect to the masks being worn...they leave hopeless and still hurting.

I have this deep desire to be used to help people.  To encourage and bring hope to them.  But then I find myself thinking, "Who are you to really help anybody?  You don't have it figured out.  You don't have a perfect life! You obviously are not in the place to help anybody until you figure yourself out.”  I feel defeated because if I have to have it together to make any differences in the lives of those around me…I probably will never accomplish anything because I am not together.  I am a work in progress, with a heart that deeply desires more and is open to being molded…even if that isn’t easy…BUT I am so far from perfect it isn’t even funny.

So God…let’s see you use me in my imperfection as a mom and wife who can lack patience with those she loves most; let’s see you use me to teach my kids from home rather than send them off to have an "educated professional" teach them; let’s see you use someone who isn’t confident in being out front, leading others, in a position that requires that; let’s see you take all my deep rooted insecurities and use me to encourage others in theirs.  That's a tall order there...

And you know what was spoken to my heart?...  

“Yes, Ranae that is exactly how I want to use you.  

I shine the brightest through what is broken.  It is in your weakness I am strong.  

My power is made perfect in your weakness...not your perfection.”  

A few days ago I got a picture in my mind of this broken jar (i.e. me/Ranae), placed inside a plastic container (the fake masks I wear)…pretending not to be broken and pretending

life is good while accomplishing little…but when the plastic container is removed a life giving water flows out of that jar…a beautiful and bright light breaks forth and shines out into the darkness.  

I am reminded that God didn't choose to use a long list of people who had life figured out to accomplish His purposes…the only perfect one was Jesus.  The rest of those, men and women of great faith, throughout the Bible were…well they were messed up (Hebrews 11 is a great example)!  They stumbled and made mistakes, but they were willing to be real, and step out in faith knowing God was bigger than their mistakes; trusting God could bring beauty from what was broken, and bring blessing from the ashes of life.  They lived surrendered and filled with hope in the One that could use their lives beyond the pain the world offered.

That is how I want to live…surrendered…trusting with faith that in my lack of perfection I can be used to bring hope to others in their life’s journeys...even Just1.  Life is bumpy, messy, broken, but please hear from my heart today…in the midst of all that, there IS Beauty – Peace – Comfort – Purpose to be found!

If you are struggling with faith today.  If you are struggling with life.  If you are struggling with questions marks in your mind.  Please know…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  Life is tough, but there is a sweet richness that comes as you surrender those things to the One who can bring beauty from them.

Let's not pursue perfection or the idea of it, but rather a life that is REAL, and willing to let beauty come from the brokenness, hurt, and pain of this life. <3

I love this song...He knows...every hurt and every pain, and uses us despite it all!!! 
Jeremy Camp - He Knows

Embracing the Bumpy Road

Today I was reminded of this note I wrote on November 21, 2014.  I had shared it on Facebook and went back to reread it.  It re-spoke to my heart...especially the reminder of where my identity comes from, and I thought I would share it again on here.  I hope it encourages Just1 other friend tonight as they read it. <3

"Lately I have found myself so focused on the outcomes of things that I want to see happen in my life or others lives, and even fixated on the answers to prayers I have been praying.  I am finding that they almost can become these little idols that consume my thoughts and my attention, and weigh heavy on me throughout the day.  I have found that by being so focused on the outcome, or the answer to a prayer that I have been praying, that I become worn down and discouraged when those things are not met in my timeframe.  Sadly, I miss the beauty of the moments I am given because I am always looking ahead.  

There is that philosophy out there that if trials are before you then you just need to believe and speak out enough positive to make your situation change. I do believe in the power of our words, our thoughts, and hard work.  But if that is always the case (our positivity reaps blessing and reward), does it mean that because my situation in life is hard it is a reflection of a lack of faith, a lack of not focusing on good and blessings, or a lack of favor from God...I don't think so. For me, that mindset is crippling and discouraging because trials are inevitable. They happen. Life is hard -- For All Of Us! And some trials don't change right away.  Some things you have to walk a longer journey through before coming out on the other side.  Some things just don't make sense from my vantage point. 

As a Christian I don't believe that is what the Bible says either.  In fact there are so many verses in the Bible about how we need to expect the trials...expect that pain.  Life is tough.  BUT (and yes that is a big BUT ;-) ), life is such a gift as well...even in the tough times.  There is so much reward...so many daily gifts to receive. But what does that look like in the midst of unanswered prayers, unmet expectations, or even trials and hardships?  Where is the good in all that?  Where are the gifts, blessings and rewards we have been promised?

My "ah ha" came recently when I realized that the blessing and reward isn't found in the outcomes or the answers to prayers.  Sounds simple when I write it, but to take it from my head to my heart is another thing completely.

In the last couple weeks I have found my perspective changing.  God is slowly and gently reminding me that circumstances don't have to be wonderful for life to be amazing.  My gift and identity aren't found in the answers to prayers, or blessings bestowed.  It isn't even coming out of a trial.  My gift is getting to walk this journey with the One who does control it all.  The One who has a plan for all things, and promises to be with me in it, and work good from it. If I am resting in the One I am walking with my whole perspective changes.  The weight of the situations can be lifted...I am not feeling crippled by them anymore, but rather I am able to realize that the One who controls them is with me and protecting me...bringing peace to my tired heart.  As I enjoy relationship with Him I can find peace and rest and a TRUE, DEEP joy even in the midst of unanswered prayers and goals unmet.

For me this is all easier said than done because I was created with a desire to do well, to work hard, to succeed, to make others happy....and those are good qualities to have (blessings if you will), but when my identity is found only in the successes or jobs well done I am missing out on so much more.  My identity isn't what I do.  My identity and worth are not defined by outcomes.  My identity is found in the One who created me...the One who is with me at all times.  The One who knows the beauty of who I am on the inside apart from what I do, or what I achieve.

The gift I have found in the last few weeks is that I can walk lighter and with more joy when I stop focusing on the outcomes or answers, and just start focusing on knowing the One who controls it all.  These last few weeks things haven't really changed on the outside, but boy have they on the inside! My life is blessed, even despite prayers unanswered and bumps in the road!  The GIFT is relationship!  :)"

Just 1...Just one what?

It feels a little surreal to sit here writing...a blog of my own.  For 3-4 years now I have felt prompted to share my life with those who would read, but honestly, it totally intimidated me and I just didn't do it.

There are a lot of fears for me in putting myself out to the "world" this way.  First off, in high school I struggled to write and had to take some pretty basic classes my senior year to prepare myself for college.  It just doesn't feel like a strength...even a little.  Second, I have felt like if I stepped into this blog it wouldn't be a surface blog but something from the heart...that feels vulnerable...very vulnerable. As a young girl and teen I was extremely shy and reserved.  I have never been the life of the group.  Insecurities in my self physically and internally became my normal.  Even though over the years, I have grown and gained confidence in many areas there is still a part of that little girl in me that fears sharing her voice...her heart with others...what if I am rejected?  What if my story isn't enough...what if...what if...you know, those "what ifs" can be crippling. I don't want to live my life off of "what ifs".  And I don't want to live with regrets.  I really don't want that to be the example I pass to my kids either.

Okay, so now that we have that out of the way...what is the name of this blog about?  Well, I was reading something recently and saw a quote from Mother Teresa that said, "If you can't feed a hundred, then feed JUST ONE."  That struck me...pretty deep.  I have a heart to help and serve others, but I am in a season where my biggest ministry is within the four walls of my own home.  The four blessings I have surrounding me right now deserve the majority of my heart and attention.  But I ache to help...to give...to travel to Cambodia (again), and serve.  But the season I am in doesn't afford me the time to go big in serving outside of my house, and to be honest I am blessed to be in the season I am and don't want to miss it because I am always looking ahead.  But when I read that quote from Mother Teresa I was encouraged...it doesn't matter if I do big things...it just matters that I am willing to take that first step and help JUST ONE.  And to that one person...hopefully I can make a big difference.  I was challenged to be intentional in the everyday moments of my life.

This morning as the whole blog idea came back into my heart and mind I found myself starting to push it away because of all those fears mentioned above, but then I thought..."What if something I share helps JUST ONE other person?"  "What if I could share something that JUST ONE person would connect with ...and ultimately nudge them closer to THE ONE that loves them more than any other?...What if?"  Here I am back to the "What ifs", but this time I decided not to let the "What if?" stop me.  This blog is for that ONE person out there that reads something I share here, and feels hope from it....that one person is worth pushing through my fears.

And honestly, even if I wanted to do "big" things...those things start with that first faith step...helping with that one small need, or making a difference for JUST ONE person. <3  Life really is all about that ONE moment and what we decide to do in it.  So this blog is a piece of my own journey to live intentionally and be present for JUST1.

What is your Just1?  Maybe look at it this way...

"If I can't (fill in the blank) 100 people, 

then I will (fill in the blank) just one."