Embracing the Bumpy Road

Today I was reminded of this note I wrote on November 21, 2014.  I had shared it on Facebook and went back to reread it.  It re-spoke to my heart...especially the reminder of where my identity comes from, and I thought I would share it again on here.  I hope it encourages Just1 other friend tonight as they read it. <3

"Lately I have found myself so focused on the outcomes of things that I want to see happen in my life or others lives, and even fixated on the answers to prayers I have been praying.  I am finding that they almost can become these little idols that consume my thoughts and my attention, and weigh heavy on me throughout the day.  I have found that by being so focused on the outcome, or the answer to a prayer that I have been praying, that I become worn down and discouraged when those things are not met in my timeframe.  Sadly, I miss the beauty of the moments I am given because I am always looking ahead.  

There is that philosophy out there that if trials are before you then you just need to believe and speak out enough positive to make your situation change. I do believe in the power of our words, our thoughts, and hard work.  But if that is always the case (our positivity reaps blessing and reward), does it mean that because my situation in life is hard it is a reflection of a lack of faith, a lack of not focusing on good and blessings, or a lack of favor from God...I don't think so. For me, that mindset is crippling and discouraging because trials are inevitable. They happen. Life is hard -- For All Of Us! And some trials don't change right away.  Some things you have to walk a longer journey through before coming out on the other side.  Some things just don't make sense from my vantage point. 

As a Christian I don't believe that is what the Bible says either.  In fact there are so many verses in the Bible about how we need to expect the trials...expect that pain.  Life is tough.  BUT (and yes that is a big BUT ;-) ), life is such a gift as well...even in the tough times.  There is so much reward...so many daily gifts to receive. But what does that look like in the midst of unanswered prayers, unmet expectations, or even trials and hardships?  Where is the good in all that?  Where are the gifts, blessings and rewards we have been promised?

My "ah ha" came recently when I realized that the blessing and reward isn't found in the outcomes or the answers to prayers.  Sounds simple when I write it, but to take it from my head to my heart is another thing completely.

In the last couple weeks I have found my perspective changing.  God is slowly and gently reminding me that circumstances don't have to be wonderful for life to be amazing.  My gift and identity aren't found in the answers to prayers, or blessings bestowed.  It isn't even coming out of a trial.  My gift is getting to walk this journey with the One who does control it all.  The One who has a plan for all things, and promises to be with me in it, and work good from it. If I am resting in the One I am walking with my whole perspective changes.  The weight of the situations can be lifted...I am not feeling crippled by them anymore, but rather I am able to realize that the One who controls them is with me and protecting me...bringing peace to my tired heart.  As I enjoy relationship with Him I can find peace and rest and a TRUE, DEEP joy even in the midst of unanswered prayers and goals unmet.

For me this is all easier said than done because I was created with a desire to do well, to work hard, to succeed, to make others happy....and those are good qualities to have (blessings if you will), but when my identity is found only in the successes or jobs well done I am missing out on so much more.  My identity isn't what I do.  My identity and worth are not defined by outcomes.  My identity is found in the One who created me...the One who is with me at all times.  The One who knows the beauty of who I am on the inside apart from what I do, or what I achieve.

The gift I have found in the last few weeks is that I can walk lighter and with more joy when I stop focusing on the outcomes or answers, and just start focusing on knowing the One who controls it all.  These last few weeks things haven't really changed on the outside, but boy have they on the inside! My life is blessed, even despite prayers unanswered and bumps in the road!  The GIFT is relationship!  :)"