Beyond the fringe...

I was listening to a Francis Chan devotional today which was based off of his "Crazy Love" book (which I have yet to read...but I am adding it to my "Need to Read" list!).  It was a short 8 minute video, but he shared something that really struck me and got me thinking.  

He shared about a time when he went to visit a college to speak.  There was a young lady on the worship team that stood out to him because every week he visited she became more passionate in her worship. This really intrigued him, because it wasn't what he would normally witness watching people worship.  Finally one week he went up to her and asked her about it and she shared that she never asks God to give her an experience like one she has already had.  Her prayer before she goes up to worship each week is always, "God you are the Creator of all things.  Will you create something new in my time with you during worship?  I want to experience you in a new and fresh way."  

Chan said he had never thought to ask the Creator to create new experiences of Himself in his times of worship, prayer, quiet times, etc.  To be honest I really haven't either.  I think I get so comfortable in my routine that I run this risk of just making an activity like prayer something I check off, rather than coming into that time expecting to learn something new or have a deeper grasp of Him.

Hearing this made me think of the verse in Job 26:14 that reads, "And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him!  Who then can understand the thunder of his power?"  There is so much depth to God...and I can only see the outer fringe of all that He is!  When I read this verse it makes me picture a big, colorful, detailed quilt.  I imagine it laid out, but I am small in comparison to it and only able to stand on the edge of it. And standing there on the edge all I can see is the details of the edge right in front of me.  I can't see it in its entirety and miss out on viewing all the details, designs, and colors that are seen on the inside, or seen if you look at it from above.  There is so much depth to God that really no day should ever be boring with Him!

I am challenged to start coming before God at the beginning of each day and asking Him to show me a new "thread of his quilt".  To give me a new and deeper perspective and glimpse of who He is.  Isn't that what relationship is all about...growing in knowledge and intimacy with the person who we are in relationship with? 

Narrow Path

So this blogging thing is hard stuff...especially when you are trying to be vulnerable, but don't see your thoughts clear enough to put them into words.  With the three total posts I have shared so far I have fought pushing the "Publish" button, because it feels so vulnerable.  It feels like I am opening up my private prayer journal to others inviting them to read.  I am not one who likes attention... especially attention drawn to the intimate places of my heart.  But I trust that through little steps of vulnerability, on my part, it will prayerfully help others to see things clearly in their own hearts.

So back to the struggle with a new blog post.  Just curious, do you ever find yourself going through your day experiencing life, and thinking about how you will share that experience in a new post on Facebook?  Taking a long shot here, but I am pretty sure I am not alone in that one! :)  Lately though, I have found my thoughts shifting from Facebook posts to blog posts.  What is it that I can share from my life that has value...that will speak hope or encouragement to those who read it?  My thoughts and ideas have felt like a blank chalkboard...nothing there for others to look upon.

The last week and a half have been so good in so many ways, but I still find myself struggling to put pieces together in my mind concerning what is stirring in my heart.  Good things are brewing in there...God is clearly at work, but clarity and words to explain it are lacking.  Even in my prayer journal I just find myself in a place of praise and thankfulness, but asking the same questions of God.  Asking for clarity, wisdom, direction...  

In many ways I feel like I am standing at the edge of a wooded path.  The path is small with lots of foliage blocking it.  I can't see the path very well, and it is dark.  But I keep being called back to it even though when I look off to the right I can see a clear path that is wide and fully lit up.  It looks lush and so inviting.  It is the path that makes sense at first glance.  I can see quite a ways down it, but yet...yet I keep feeling a tug toward this other path.  I can't explain it.  I don't know what awaits me down it, but I know I trust the One who is calling me to it.  And if He is calling me then there are blessings ahead that far outweigh what I see off to the right.  This image reminds me of this verse in Matthew 7:14, "Small is the gate & narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

This dark and narrow path is the path of faith -- the path of life.  It is the way that requires sacrifice, and it requires trust.  It won't be glamorous, but it will be rewarding.  It is rougher than the other path, but full of beauty and uniqueness.  At the end, the path widens into the most beautiful pasture you can imagine...bright...lush...full of beauty.  The path to the right...it is straight and the scenery stays the same.  After a while it becomes boring.  There is no adventure.  No faith is involved.  And it ends in a dry desert...nothing life giving is there to satisfy the travelers soul.  

In thinking forward to Easter, and what happened in the days leading up to Jesus' death and resurrection, I see that Jesus was also presented two separate paths, but He always chose the narrow one that went against man's logic.  When His disciples sat at the table during the Last Supper they argued over who was the greatest, and The Greatest at the table humbled Himself and washed their feet.  The job that was left for the lowest of servants is the example we are given for greatness.  His love defied man's logic...He loved and served Judas while knowing He was going to be betrayed by him.  When Jesus was about to be seized, Simon Peter struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.  In a moment when Jesus could have seen that his faithful disciple was trying to protect Him and trying to bring justice, He reminded them all He wasn't here to lead a rebellion.  He led in love and compassion...to the least likely.  At that moment, He reached out and healed the ear of the servant.  Compassion and love extended to the one that was ready to take Him to the cross.  Jesus didn't walk the wide open road that made sense to those around Him.  He walked the path that required the ultimate sacrifice, but He willingly walked it.  In the end...the beauty of that path He walked shines the brightest light possible into a hurting and dark world.  Today I am thankful for Jesus' example, and for His incredible sacrifice!

I want to end by sharing this beautiful song.  It feels like it could be the song of my heart right now...Lead Me On Jesus!

"Steady Heart" by Steffany Gretzinger

Bumpy, Messy, Broken...yet sooo Beautiful!

My heart and mind have been fumbling through some things the last few weeks.  I have been desiring clarity in understanding what faith looks like (really looks like) and how it looks to live it out amidst the messiness of life...I start feeling like I am getting it...then it gets re-jumbled with questions, and honestly just life in general.  

If you know me you know I am a "Type A" personality.  I like order.  I like checklists, and really like checking stuff off of it.  I like a clean house.  I like to do things well.  I like black and white...grey leaves too many questions.  I like a checkbook that balances to the penny, and a cushion of savings to lean into.  I don't like chaos.  I don't like feeling out of control. I don't like it when people misunderstand me and I can't make it right.  I just want order and happiness all around me...wouldn't that just be great?!  It would be ideal...but yeah, life IS NOT ideal, and we are all aware of that.

Yet...we want to be perceived by others like we have things in perfect order and have the ideal life...many of us post all that "goodness" on Facebook and then turn back to the reality of our lives and feel empty, tired, and wish for more out of life.  Something within us longs for more...longs for purpose and peace in this journey.  Can you relate?

Lately I have been sensing pain, hurt, tears, questions, and silent "Whys?" in those around me...and even at times sensing them in my own heart.  But we have been conditioned (wrongly I might add) that we need to be strong, positive, and honestly...fake.  It breaks my heart to see so many around me silently hurting and feeling like nobody understands...feeling like they need their mask on that shows the world their smile when in reality they are hurting inside.  You know what makes me even sadder is that this happens in the walls of my church, and churches all over the world.  The place where

people who are hurting should come to feel safe and find hope and healing from the messiness of life...instead many come into church feeling like they have to be good Christians and have life fit perfectly together, but really...nobody has it ALL together.  Those who need healing come in and feel alone, and don't feel like they can connect to the masks being worn...they leave hopeless and still hurting.

I have this deep desire to be used to help people.  To encourage and bring hope to them.  But then I find myself thinking, "Who are you to really help anybody?  You don't have it figured out.  You don't have a perfect life! You obviously are not in the place to help anybody until you figure yourself out.”  I feel defeated because if I have to have it together to make any differences in the lives of those around me…I probably will never accomplish anything because I am not together.  I am a work in progress, with a heart that deeply desires more and is open to being molded…even if that isn’t easy…BUT I am so far from perfect it isn’t even funny.

So God…let’s see you use me in my imperfection as a mom and wife who can lack patience with those she loves most; let’s see you use me to teach my kids from home rather than send them off to have an "educated professional" teach them; let’s see you use someone who isn’t confident in being out front, leading others, in a position that requires that; let’s see you take all my deep rooted insecurities and use me to encourage others in theirs.  That's a tall order there...

And you know what was spoken to my heart?...  

“Yes, Ranae that is exactly how I want to use you.  

I shine the brightest through what is broken.  It is in your weakness I am strong.  

My power is made perfect in your weakness...not your perfection.”  

A few days ago I got a picture in my mind of this broken jar (i.e. me/Ranae), placed inside a plastic container (the fake masks I wear)…pretending not to be broken and pretending

life is good while accomplishing little…but when the plastic container is removed a life giving water flows out of that jar…a beautiful and bright light breaks forth and shines out into the darkness.  

I am reminded that God didn't choose to use a long list of people who had life figured out to accomplish His purposes…the only perfect one was Jesus.  The rest of those, men and women of great faith, throughout the Bible were…well they were messed up (Hebrews 11 is a great example)!  They stumbled and made mistakes, but they were willing to be real, and step out in faith knowing God was bigger than their mistakes; trusting God could bring beauty from what was broken, and bring blessing from the ashes of life.  They lived surrendered and filled with hope in the One that could use their lives beyond the pain the world offered.

That is how I want to live…surrendered…trusting with faith that in my lack of perfection I can be used to bring hope to others in their life’s journeys...even Just1.  Life is bumpy, messy, broken, but please hear from my heart today…in the midst of all that, there IS Beauty – Peace – Comfort – Purpose to be found!

If you are struggling with faith today.  If you are struggling with life.  If you are struggling with questions marks in your mind.  Please know…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  Life is tough, but there is a sweet richness that comes as you surrender those things to the One who can bring beauty from them.

Let's not pursue perfection or the idea of it, but rather a life that is REAL, and willing to let beauty come from the brokenness, hurt, and pain of this life. <3

I love this song...He knows...every hurt and every pain, and uses us despite it all!!! 
Jeremy Camp - He Knows

Embracing the Bumpy Road

Today I was reminded of this note I wrote on November 21, 2014.  I had shared it on Facebook and went back to reread it.  It re-spoke to my heart...especially the reminder of where my identity comes from, and I thought I would share it again on here.  I hope it encourages Just1 other friend tonight as they read it. <3

"Lately I have found myself so focused on the outcomes of things that I want to see happen in my life or others lives, and even fixated on the answers to prayers I have been praying.  I am finding that they almost can become these little idols that consume my thoughts and my attention, and weigh heavy on me throughout the day.  I have found that by being so focused on the outcome, or the answer to a prayer that I have been praying, that I become worn down and discouraged when those things are not met in my timeframe.  Sadly, I miss the beauty of the moments I am given because I am always looking ahead.  

There is that philosophy out there that if trials are before you then you just need to believe and speak out enough positive to make your situation change. I do believe in the power of our words, our thoughts, and hard work.  But if that is always the case (our positivity reaps blessing and reward), does it mean that because my situation in life is hard it is a reflection of a lack of faith, a lack of not focusing on good and blessings, or a lack of favor from God...I don't think so. For me, that mindset is crippling and discouraging because trials are inevitable. They happen. Life is hard -- For All Of Us! And some trials don't change right away.  Some things you have to walk a longer journey through before coming out on the other side.  Some things just don't make sense from my vantage point. 

As a Christian I don't believe that is what the Bible says either.  In fact there are so many verses in the Bible about how we need to expect the trials...expect that pain.  Life is tough.  BUT (and yes that is a big BUT ;-) ), life is such a gift as well...even in the tough times.  There is so much reward...so many daily gifts to receive. But what does that look like in the midst of unanswered prayers, unmet expectations, or even trials and hardships?  Where is the good in all that?  Where are the gifts, blessings and rewards we have been promised?

My "ah ha" came recently when I realized that the blessing and reward isn't found in the outcomes or the answers to prayers.  Sounds simple when I write it, but to take it from my head to my heart is another thing completely.

In the last couple weeks I have found my perspective changing.  God is slowly and gently reminding me that circumstances don't have to be wonderful for life to be amazing.  My gift and identity aren't found in the answers to prayers, or blessings bestowed.  It isn't even coming out of a trial.  My gift is getting to walk this journey with the One who does control it all.  The One who has a plan for all things, and promises to be with me in it, and work good from it. If I am resting in the One I am walking with my whole perspective changes.  The weight of the situations can be lifted...I am not feeling crippled by them anymore, but rather I am able to realize that the One who controls them is with me and protecting me...bringing peace to my tired heart.  As I enjoy relationship with Him I can find peace and rest and a TRUE, DEEP joy even in the midst of unanswered prayers and goals unmet.

For me this is all easier said than done because I was created with a desire to do well, to work hard, to succeed, to make others happy....and those are good qualities to have (blessings if you will), but when my identity is found only in the successes or jobs well done I am missing out on so much more.  My identity isn't what I do.  My identity and worth are not defined by outcomes.  My identity is found in the One who created me...the One who is with me at all times.  The One who knows the beauty of who I am on the inside apart from what I do, or what I achieve.

The gift I have found in the last few weeks is that I can walk lighter and with more joy when I stop focusing on the outcomes or answers, and just start focusing on knowing the One who controls it all.  These last few weeks things haven't really changed on the outside, but boy have they on the inside! My life is blessed, even despite prayers unanswered and bumps in the road!  The GIFT is relationship!  :)"